Let’s Talk About Toddler Biting: Why It Happens and How to Handle It
Let’s face it: nobody likes to talk about toddler biting. As a parent, you don’t want to hear that your little one bit their friend, and as a teacher, you don’t want to be the one on the receiving end of a toddler’s teeth. But biting is actually pretty common in toddlers, and it’s an issue many parents and caregivers face at some point. So, why do toddlers bite, and how can we help redirect this behaviour?
First Things First: No Mommy-Guilt Here
If your toddler bites, don’t blame yourself. Biting is not a sign of bad parenting, and you’re not to blame for your child’s behaviour. However, you do play an important role in guiding them through this challenging phase and helping them learn more appropriate ways to express themselves.
Biting is actually a common behaviour among toddlers, especially between the ages of 12 and 36 months. At this stage, children are still developing language skills, social-emotional understanding, and sensory processing. Let’s dive into some of the reasons behind toddler biting:
Why Do Toddlers Bite?
1. Difficulty Expressing Themselves Verbally
Toddlers are still learning how to communicate their feelings and needs with words. Without the ability to fully express themselves, they might resort to biting as a way of showing frustration or communicating that something is bothering them. For example, they might bite when they’re mad, overwhelmed, or even excited—because they just don’t have the words yet. While this is a normal developmental stage, it’s definitely not an acceptable behaviour in social situations.
2. Feeling Overstimulated or Overwhelmed
Toddlers are also in the process of developing their sensory processing skills. Their brains are trying to make sense of what they hear, see, feel, and experience. Some toddlers may become overstimulated by too much noise, movement, or even sensory overload (like hunger or being too tired). For these kids, biting can serve as a way to calm themselves down. The jaw has a high concentration of proprioceptors (sensory receptors that help us sense movement and body position), so biting might help them self-soothe when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
3. Teething or Oral Sensory Needs
For some toddlers, biting is a natural response to the discomfort of teething. Their gums may be itchy or sore, and they might bite down on objects to relieve the pain. Others may have a greater need for oral sensory stimulation and might bite for comfort, even if they aren’t teething.
4. Seeking Attention or Experimenting
Toddlers are curious little scientists, constantly experimenting to see how the world around them works. Biting can be an experiment to see what will happen—what reaction will they get from Mom, Dad, or their friends if they bite? In some cases, toddlers may also bite as a way to get attention, especially if they notice that biting results in a big response from adults.
5. Being Over-Tired
Just like adults, toddlers can get cranky and more easily overwhelmed when they’re tired. A tired child may struggle to regulate their emotions and could bite in an attempt to cope with their exhaustion.
What to Do When Your Toddler Bites
When your toddler bites, it’s normal to feel a rush of emotions—frustration, embarrassment, worry, or even anger. But how you respond in that moment can make all the difference in helping your child learn a better way to express themselves. Here’s what you can do:
1. Stay Calm and Keep Your Emotions in Check
It’s easy to react impulsively when your child bites, but it’s important to stay calm. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and then respond. Reacting angrily or emotionally may escalate the situation and make it harder for your child to understand why biting is wrong.
2. Use Clear and Simple Language
When addressing the biting, keep it short and clear. In a firm but calm voice, say something like:
“No biting. Biting hurts,” or “I cannot let you bite Lucy.”
Acknowledge the other child’s feelings: “Look, Lucy is crying because you bit her.” Keep the message direct and easy to understand.
3. Shift Focus to the Child Who Was Bitten
While it might seem natural to give a lot of attention to the child who bit, doing so can actually reinforce the behaviour. Instead, shift your attention to the child who was hurt. Show concern for the bitten child and help them calm down. This teaches empathy and sends the message that biting doesn’t result in more attention.
4. Redirect and Help the Child Move On
After addressing the bite, help both children move on by offering alternative activities. You could suggest something calming like drawing, playing with play-dough, or sensory play with sand or water. Giving them something to focus on will help them release energy in a positive, constructive way.
5. Consistency Is Key
Keep in mind that learning a new behaviour takes time. Your toddler may bite again, so it’s important to remain vigilant during playtime and consistently reinforce the message that biting is not acceptable. Using the same phrases like “No biting. Biting hurts” will help solidify the lesson.
Possible Solutions for Preventing and Reducing Biting
Every child is unique, and the reasons for biting can vary. Here are some strategies to address different causes:
| Reason | Possible Solutions |
|---|---|
| Language Delays | Support communication with simple language. Help your child express emotions with words like “You’re mad! You’re frustrated!” |
| Sensory Overload | Reduce sensory input and offer calming activities like deep pressure hugs or quiet spaces. |
| Teething or Oral Needs | Provide teething toys or crunchy snacks to help soothe gums. |
| Attention-Seeking or Experimenting | Use firm, unemotional feedback, then shift focus to the child who was bitten. Redirect with a toy or activity. |
| Tiredness | Ensure your child gets enough sleep and avoid stressful activities when they’re overtired. |
What Won’t Work
Some common “solutions” to toddler biting might seem tempting, but they can actually make the problem worse:
- Shaming or harsh punishment: This can create fear or anxiety and might increase biting incidents.
- Biting your child back: This does not teach your child how to handle their emotions appropriately and may reinforce the idea that biting is okay when you’re upset.
Final Thoughts
Remember, biting is a phase that many toddlers go through, and it can be managed with patience, consistency, and the right strategies. If you’re concerned about your child’s biting or sensory development, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional, such as an occupational therapist, for guidance.
If you’re interested in sensory tools like weighted teddies or chew toys, you can find them at Comfort Creatures, Autism Resources, or Baby Beads.
By understanding the reasons behind biting and responding with empathy and clear guidance, we can help our toddlers navigate this phase and develop the social skills they need to thrive.
